reflecting on frustrations
Wednesday, September 30, 2009 (15:11:11)

Posted by horatio

It's just been one of those weeks, or at least that's how it feels right now. Talk about ups and downs. I feel like a rag doll in the teeth of some wild little dog trying to rip out all of the stuffing from the ears.


I had a dream about a huge monster bird thing haunting me, walked in the rain, got soaked and thoroughly enjoyed it, got reprimanded by some friends for speaking my mind, am about fed up with campus politics and Tom f-ing Ridge, and if I have to read another pamphlet about destroying time and the university bullshit I am going to puke. I feel like I am trying to be a bridge between impossible contradictions and I'm falling down.


Some days, I wonder why I even care at all. It would be a hell of a lot easier to just forget it all, throw my convictions on the shelf along with all my politics, and just dissolve into Modern Combat III, Cartoon Network, Quiznos subs and washing dishes or selling junk for $6 an hour. But I can't stop caring. I don't have room on my bookshelf for all of my politics, and I got tired of tv a long time ago. But right now I'm tired of people too. Tired of all the assanine bs, the ignorance and the shallowness. The social conservativism of my peers, who actually have nothing to conserve but a rotten status quo that even they don't fully understand and believe in, but since they can't see anything else, all they can do is cling tighter and tighter.


Is this really living, or just the warm up for total and complete alienated death of our being and an authentic life? Right now, I really can't tell...