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Our Official Blog : genetics and genealogy - tracing the traces
Posted by horatio on Monday, February 15, 2010 (18:52:39) (11 reads)
Recently in one of my classes we have been looking at genetics and DNA in various forms and manifestations, but in particular as it relates to the science-art interface, commonly also called bioart {Harvard's take on bioart}. And one of the things that ran through my mind in the past few days, mostly as I try to come up with an interesting project for class, but also thinking about my own work and interests, has to do with the work that DNA and genetics play in genealogy.
My aunt Marjorie is our resident family historian, and quite an accomplished one at that. Her knowledge of our various and sordid family past never ceases to amaze and confound me, and it seems like she is always finding something new or noteworthy about our past relatives.
While looking into all of this I ran into a neat little series of flash animations about genes, SNP's and some of the basics of DNA and genetics relevant for genealogy, check it out right here.
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Our Official Blog : entangled nature
Posted by horatio on Saturday, February 13, 2010 (03:30:50) (23 reads)
So my parsons class this week dealt with food as our main topic, something which i had already reflected on slightly in my last post on hybridity, largely responding to some worries about gmo's and the precautionary principle in science that were sparked by the Outlaw Biology conference videos.
We had a rather wide-ranging and at times overly vague conversation about a number of topics, but a few things stood out as noteworthy. The one I want to explore a little deeper here relates to my own research interests and academic work, as well as my own personal interests. Simply put, it's the long-standing debate about what distinguishes natural from artificial, especially if we assume that man is a natural creation, and therefore anything man made is also natural. This was one of the lines of argument that was being advanced in class, and which I was specifically refuting in my limited comments. Here I want to try and draw that debate out further, flesh out some core concepts that must be dealt with, and try to work through some of the implications of these various positions.
3 Basic Arguments:
a) man vs nature - The Cartesian Duality
This first position argues that there is an important and clear divide between humans and other animals and nature, and that this is most clearly seen in areas like culture, technology, language, consciousness and higher-order logic and reasoning. While we may all be "animals" in the most general sense of living, breathing, mating and dying organisms, all the comparisons stop after those basic functions. As Descartes argues in his famous Discourse on the Method of Rightly Conducting the Reason (1637), animals are like automata, only capable of pre-programmed response.
| Quote:: |
| [Animals] have no reason at all, and that it is nature which acts in them according to the disposition of their organs, just as a clock, which is only composed of wheels and weights is able to tell the time more correctly than we can do with all our wisdom...there is none which is more effectual in leading feeble spirits from the straight path of virtue, than to imagine that the soul of the brute is of the same nature as ours... {Discourse pt. V, 39-40} |
Similar to the claim about animals, there is also a qualitative divide between the social relations that could be observed in nature (lion prides, schools of fish) and the techno-cultural creation of complex cities and infrastructure (castles, bridges, aqueducts, highways, skyscrapers). All of these features distinguish the "man-made" from the natural.
b) man is nature - The Gaia Theory
This second position, while not as easily delineated as the first position, has a constellation of related ideas enough that we can sketch out at least a basic philosophical framework like above. In essence, this position holds that man is not separate from nature, but rather deeply enmeshed in the living world around us, regardless of whether we think this to actually be the case. We have simply fooled ourselves into thinking that we are superior through a long history of violent domination and disconnection from the land in every facet of our lives (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual). Lovelock described this idea as:
| Quote:: |
| ...a complex entity involving the Earth's biosphere, atmosphere, oceans, and soil; the totality constituting a feedback or cybernetic system which seeks an optimal physical and chemical environment for life on this planet. {Gaia Hypothesis, 10} |
While we are intrinsically connected to nature by cause of our being a part of it, we have also created a false separation that has become manifest in such a way that we actually believe the myth of Descartes to be real, and have attempted to force nature to conform to this duality. This effectively creates the illusion that we are separate and superior to nature and non-human animals, but as many argue, the costs of maintaining this illusion are increasingly exposing themselves (global warming, species extinction, mass toxicity of water and soil, deforestation, global conflicts, etc). Unless we begin to acknowledge these realities and work to restore a balanced interaction, things will continue on a downward track to mass global destruction.
c) man equals nature - The Postmodern Schizophrenia
This third position best characterize the modern world of wise-use environmentalism and techno-utopianism, and is an attempt by a commodity and use-value dominated world culture (ie: neoliberal capitalism) to impose market-based technical solutions to ecological systems--an effort that those in the gaia camp argue is impossible. This view sees the world from a Cartesian duality (mind/body or nature/culture), and ranges from open acknowledgment of inter-related systems to outright denial of anything except human use-value. Alex Epstein, writing for the Ayn Rand Center, expresses some of this logic in his discussion of cloning debates and the human-nature-god philosophical nexus:
| Quote:: |
| The one truth in the anti-cloning position is that cloning does represent "the desire to exert our will over every aspect of our surroundings." But such a desire is not immoral--it is a mark of virtue. Using technology to alter nature is a requirement of life. It is what brought man from the cave to civilization. Where would we be without the men who "exerted their will" over their surroundings and constructed the first hut, cottage, and skyscraper? Every advance in human history is part of "the technological project," and has made man's life longer, healthier, and happier. These advances are produced by those who hold the premise that suffering and disease are a curse, not to be humbly accepted as "God's will," but to be fought proudly with all the power of man's rational mind.. {Ayn Rand Center, The virtue of "Playing God"} |
This position argues that man is a part of nature, somewhat in opposition to Descarte's view, but then inverts the Gaia claim about human interference and manipulation of nature into one of active intervention and design as our obligation (a Biblical steward mentality). If humans are a part of nature like everything else, they argue, then anything we do or create must also be natural. Therefore arguments premised on some action or technology being "unnatural"--for instance genetically modified organisms (gmo's)--are seen as arbitrary and not based on any measurable distinction between nature and non-nature. Anything we do is already natural, and therefore out actions, following a very utilitarian logic, should seek to maximize the good impacts and minimize the negative ones, but only within a certain logic of values.
Paradoxes in Positions
While the above positions are extremely thin sketches of complex and shifting positions, they at least give us some conceptual terrain to begin walking around on for this question of nature and man. At the core is this question of perception and its implications for how we think and act in the world. In other words, what is the difference between seeing myself as an internal part of an all-encompassing entity called "nature" vs seeing myself as an external part of a constructed entity called "nature"?
One importance implication between the two views is the responsibility and relationality attached to the notion of nature. For example, if I believe in the Cartesian duality and view nature as an external thing, out there in the woods where the salamanders and bears are--in opposition to the concrete world of Brooklyn, NY and the L train where I live--it is very easy to lose track of how this "human city world" interfaces with that "natural animal world". I can essentially go along with my day however I please with no awareness or concern for potential impacts from this world and lifestyle. I am never forced (or in many cases even allowed) the chance to examine or consider the implications of my actions. Where does the garbage go when I throw it onto the curb. Where does the water go when I wash the dishes or take a shower. What powers my computer or charges my iPod? None of these factors need to be considered in relation to our daily reality, because we have already separated ourselves from nature, simultaneously externalizing and internalizing it as a concept. It is only when the power goes out or the garbage union goes on strike, that I even have to stop and think about these semi-mechanical routines.
But if we start from a different premise than a Cartesian dualism and rather view nature as something we have constructed, and which can be traced historically through a series of practices and discourses--a la Foucaultian genealogy or similar methodology--then we can begin to point to the places and techne which emerged to legitimate a discourse of culture as distinct from nature, or human as distinct from animal. The French philosopher Jacques Derrida has done an extensive tracing of this process in the philosophical ideas of Western thinkers and their claims about the question of the animal, and many of his claims have since been taken up and expanded within the field of critical animal studies, animal behavior studies and related fields of inquiry.
Similarly, the fields of ecocriticism, deep ecology and ecosophy/ecotheology have developed parallel discourses on the concept of nature and the philosophical threads of thinking about ecology and humans. The Norwegian philosopher < a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arne_N%C3%A6ss">Arne Naess, who is credited with the concept of deep ecology, is one well known example where these ideas have been traced and developed, but the core of these ideas is an understanding and belief that humans cannot remove themselves or their actions from their ecological surroundings. In other words, everything we do has an impact and ramifications in the web of life, and we should attempt to take a full account of our actions prior to acting in order to minimize harm. In this sense, it is very much a philosophical analog to the precautionary principle in science I discussed earlier.
Within cybernetic systems theory, as well as in chaos theory, and increasingly in quantum physics, there is a growing awareness of the complexity of life being far more dynamic and interconnected than we had ever imagined, and far more than we are able to model with even the most sophisticated computer simulations. From mycorrhizal associations between fungi and trees, to the complex relationships between mirror neurons and visual processing of external stimulus in the cortex, we are barely skimming the surface of understanding the complex way that the world around us functions.
But this knowledge has not stopped us from blazing full speed ahead in manipulating our natural environment. So a major problem becomes how we take certain values and translate them into actions. If we truly believe that we are an interlinked species in a complex web of life which we both impact and are impacted by, what changes in how we think about and interact with our surroundings might seem appropriate or necessary? To take a simply example, if we wanted to improve the aquatic systems in the Hudson River, what actions would we need to take to realize this? How would we measure changes, and what would the implications be of an improved aquatic ecosystem for the future of the Hudson River Valley?
So the challenge becomes one of asking, how do we go about changing the political value structure which underlies our modern economic value structure? I think one of the answers lies in the creative work of artists, but I'll leave that for a later essay.
As a parting thought, here's a thought on the techno-future from a different angle, in this case Shaviro's amazing blog on the movie Gamer.
| Quote:: |
| That is to say, there is no going back on the network and its circuits of celebrity and control, and reverting to a supposedly clearer and more honest state of affairs. The only way out is the way through. The only possible oppositional strategy is one of embracing these control technologies, generalizing them, and opening them up. This is the very strategy that Neveldine and Taylor adopt in Gamer, by fully embracing the very logic of entertainment and involvement that they are satirizing, and making an “exploitation” film whose hope is to draw audiences in, rather than “alienating” them. In the twenty-first century, cognitive estrangement doesn’t work any more as a subversive strategy (if it ever did); what’s needed is rather a strategy that ups the ante on our very complicity with the technologies and social arrangements that oppress us. |
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Our Official Blog : hybrid meditations
Posted by horatio on Thursday, February 11, 2010 (03:12:11) (34 reads)
The last few days I have been thinking a lot about possible projects and research ideas for a Parsons class I am taking called Hybrid Worlds Nano+Bio+Art. The class was framed in part through a recent conference called Outlaw Biology which was held at the California NanoSystems Institute.
The speakers from the main panel, as well as some discussion video, were posted and I have been watching them, trying to get a sense for what was going on there. What is really interesting is the spin they took on the event, which had series of sub themes that included: Citizen Science | DIY Biology | Nano Hacking | At-Home Clinical Research | Recreational Genetics | Synthetic Biology | Open Source Science | Ars Synthetica | Genetic Art
We also read an essay from the event by moderator Chris Kelty called Outlaws, Hackers, Victorian Gentleman, and that is what really sparked my interest. But there is a certain disconnect I see in the ideas in this essay and others linked on this event, and the videos from the keynote speakers. To put it very crudely, I see it as something akin to "scientific myopia" or what wikip describes as seeing "near objects clearly but far away objects appear blurred." And this is exactly the feeling I was left with after watching many of the speakers. And perhaps most surprisingly, the one that left the worst taste in my mouth was the one I am probably most sympathetic to otherwise, Meredith Patterson, who was talking about biopunks, hackers and diy science [video here].
What left the bad taste was one comment in particular that she made, suggesting that the "precautionary principle" is counter to scientific development and actually a huge problem that we should address--in essence the precautionary principle stifles creativity and is the evil of all things sciency--that was her main point. This struck me as incredible ignorant, and a classic example of the shortsightedness and inability to see the big picture of many in the world of science R&D.
I jump to an ecological and food security perspective immediately whenever I hear someone mention the "pp" word, because that is where I have waged the biggest battles over this issue. A simple case in point: genetically modified organism, better known as GMO's.
GMO's represent both the cutting edge of scientific/technological plant genetics today, and one of the most important fronts for fighting against the homogenization and destruction of global biodiversity of both flora and fauna. Monsanto's Terminator seeds and Round-Up Ready crops are just a few of many examples of where GMO battles are being fought right now. So what's the link between the pp and GMO's? Simply put, it's about who controls what and how, and if some things should be left untouched.
When you talk about GMO's, you are usually talking about patents, TRIPPS, proprietary research, GIRTS, biopiracy and agro/biomedical research--in effect, who gets to "own" a slice of life. While some may not object to Monsanto or Dow or ADM "owning" the right to a seed they have genetically bred and modified in their labs, the problem comes when those experiments leave the confines of the lab and enter the real world. Suddenly, a closed system is exposed to a dynamic and open system, with absolutely no controls or guarantees as to what will happen. This is the beauty of ecological evolution and biological mutation, anything goes and hybridity is the name of the game. But GMO's insert a problem into the equation, they halt this process by forcing certain pre-designed plans--seed sterility, disease resistance, etc. While this may not sound so bad, the implications are the real "proof" of the pudding. If a GMO plant crosses with a wild or native plant, and that GMO gene crosses, the risk of a permanent loss of genetic material instantly manifests.
And that's exactly what the pp is all about: limiting acceptable risk. You don't introduce a sterile fish that can kill every other fish into a pond just because you can. You have to consider the long-term risks--that's the core of the pp. If you're not sure, don't just guess and hope it all works out ok. That may be fine for a 10th grade geometry problem, but it can spell permanent and irreversible destruction in the real world looking at something like plants or animals. And what Meredith's comments brought home to me was this utopian scientific view that all progress must be good, and anything which holds it back is bad and dangerous.
While this is a powerful and useful example for issues like open source software and hardware, some of the issues she primarily works on, it is a dangerous model to transpose onto living systems. If you wipe out a particular variety of plant or animal--make it go extinct--no amount of engineering will bring it back. You can't reverse engineer an organism the same way you can a piece of software code. And it's this full speed ahead, ra-ra modernity mentality that worries me in the scientific-art-social overlap. Just because it is cool or new, doesn't mean it is good.
At some point, the lab stops being a useful model for the real world, and I think there is a danger in romanticizing outlaw biology for exactly this reason. Designing a nano installation that can create a smiley face under a scanning microscope is surely neat, and perhaps has aesthetic value in and of itself, but are the full implications of these developments really being explored in all the excitement of the moment. That's my real worry, and why I feel so hesitant to embrace this outlaw biology and hacker model as really as liberating as it feels. But I'm still holding the door open to see, albeit somewhat more skeptically.
{thanks to shtig corp for the graphics}
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Our Official Blog : the art and science of food
Posted by horatio on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 (20:16:05) (13 reads)
Maybe you should be the new food prep person, he laughingly told me, after our discussion about a weekend meal. Have you thought about coming back here and being a sous chef, she asked me, commenting on a picture of the latest pizza creation. Maybe I should have gone to the Pittsburgh culinary arts school, I mentioned to my roommate over a meal, wondering what would have happened had I taken that route. But maybe one of the reasons that it is so fun to cook is because you don't have to do it for a job, the young woman suggested, as we were talking about the therapeutic value of cooking on both of our lives. Food, food and more food. I even made a picture gallery on facebook just for collaborative cooking projects recently. Pizza, bread, cookies, casseroles, etc.
{featured here: a rasta challah for the Bob Marley One Love party}
I've always loved to cook. In fact, I think I pretty much grew up cooking. I remember being very little and part of our chores every week, in exchange for a minor allowance, was to help cook some of the weekly meals. I never thought about it that much, but I guess that was really the beginning of my informal "cook-in-training" lifestyle. But I'm not entirely sure it really stopped there, as my grandparents also cooked a good deal, perhaps more on my paternal side that I recall, although the maternal side takes the prize for everything cold and tasty.
Even in junior high school I cooked a fair bit, a mix of different dishes, not just rice and potatoes and steak, although there was a fair bit of that as well. And over he years this became more of a way of life for me. Living on a small quasi-farm outside Athens, having grown up with gardens as a youth, and having kept gardens as an adult, food has always been a huge part of my life. There is something about cooking that just makes the world better, brighter, and without doubt, tastier.
And so lately I have been thinking a lot about food and the future, food and science, and food and technology. Whether it is in the context of GMO crops and plant engineering, food security and slow food, back to the land movements, or food in the context of animals and meat and the ethics of industrial slaughter, it seems that I have the food bug lately. I've been watching food videos on YouTube. I've been trying new recipes, new styles of old food prep, and new food styles all together. And it's been fun. And so the next step seems to be how to bring all of these things into a project, perhaps for a class, but definitely into a more productive dialogue and process that keeps me learning and moving ahead with this experiment, but without losing any of the the fun or joy in the works.
My next tentative culinary project: edible mushroom art.
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Dear Diary : 33 years and counting
Posted by horatio on Saturday, February 06, 2010 (21:21:16) (11 reads)
~33 for Bashō~
33 years and counting
life continues to be a whirlwind with no landing site
but i find myself less worried about that
and more engaged with the spinning whirl
of the here and now
and learning how to enjoy tasting the moment
for the moment, rather than as a mere appetizer
for the eternal moment of future becoming
being embodied in one's body
and comfortable in one's skin
seemingly mundane things
yet amazingly not at all
i'm a nerd underneath, she said
or was it inside, i can't remember
either way we embraced our inner glow
our radiating circuits, as she put it
even without having to speak in code
C++ = PhP / MySql
{if/then} becomes probability
instead of functionality
utility yields to aesthetics
aesthetics melts before beauty
beauty mirrors nature
in watery reflecting pools
and slowly unfolding maidenhair ferns
entangled with cinnamon wooly bears
and the smell of cedar and pine needles
what is this feeling of being
this eternal return to a desire to understand
something hidden yet completely revealed
visible yet invisible, transparently opaque
glimmering like a stained-glass mirage
before the all seeing minds-eye
familiarity and cognitive dissonance
a house of nacre mirrors and cobalt prisms
perfectly faceted and stitched together
into polygonal wings of a flying serpent
that speaks only in haiku
古池や 蛙飛込む 水の音
cgc | 2.6.10
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Dear Diary : phantasmagoriaporiasma
Posted by horatio on Monday, February 01, 2010 (03:24:45) (17 reads)
floating somewhere between a lost past and an unknown future
the little child rocks back and forth
cradling a small crystal terrapin between his legs
running his fingers over the carapace crevices
tracing a destiny unfurling
like a virgin frond of the maidenhair
black and green, mirroring his heart
overhead a dragon glides by
lost in the aerial heights and thinning oxygen
snorting flames and dissolving clouds of myst
hermes trismegistus with leathery skin
and cinnamon slit eyes glowing and pulsing
tigers eye, carnelian, hematite, lapis, emerald, amber
tears of dragonsblood resin drip off
crystal mana sap from heaven
floating on the windscent of pine and conifer
is this the life i dreamt when i awoke in the limestone cave
or when i burrowed under the ancient sycamore grove
or in my nest of rhododendron tentacles and lycanthropic lichens
gleaming, panting, howling
feral dreaming in stereoscopic vision
of transgenetic bunnies glowing green from bioluminescent bacteria
and foxfire brunches after the chickweed buffet ran out
when the turtle stepped out of his shell he died
but for a moment he had exquisite dreams of freedom
stretching out clawed appendages to the heavens
to trace the crest of the moon overhead
as the fox sang a song of mushroom dreams and rotten logs
sweeter than the first pregnant violet full of spring dew drops
but it tastes salty and bitter, said the turtle
that is because you are dying, replied the fox
as he pulled the trillium shroud closer
sweetness cannot exist in this world, whispered the fox
without the bitterness and the chaos
i don't understand, choked the turtle, his eyes blurring
charcoal streaks across his beak
your song is so beautiful it kills me
it is not my song, replied the fox
the song is rather your heart
blown from the throat of the spring peepers
and rippling across the cat tails and water lilies
come to set your inner desires free
give of yourself freely, or give nothing at all
but the little turtle didn't understand
he had spent his whole life living in a shell
closed off from the world, safe, hidden
layer upon layer, sharp claws and quick eyes
always moving slowly in calculated steps
he had never heard his own heart beat
between calcium ribs and crystal plates
and yet he thought he was happy
until that day he stepped out of his shell
and traced moonbeams and danced with wolves
ah the ecstasy of it all
wordless, worldless
and the dirt smelled of liberation and hope
as miniature claws carved tortoisian heiroglyphics
across the canvas of the forest floor
and when it was all over
the fox pulled the shroud closer
and the turtles eyes
one red, one yellow
shone brighter than a million suns
as the fox smudged the shell one last time
and asked the raven and the hawk
the dragon and the wolf to look out for
the little traveler
knowing that he was called home
and the little boy rocked, all alone
a crystal terrapin in his lap
his head filled with the smell of sage
and the sound of drums...
echoes
black
echoes
green
echoes
gone
cgc | 1.31.10
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Dear Diary : catching up
Posted by horatio on Friday, January 29, 2010 (23:00:58) (13 reads)
Life really does have a way of slipping ahead of you when you're not watching, and sometimes even when you are, and then reaching back to bite you in the rear. Maybe that's not the best analogy, but that's the gist of how life has felt lately. Always a step behind, trying to stay a step ahead, hoping that when it all evens out and adds up, you'll at least me swimming above water. Who knows, some days it works, others, not so much. It seems like lately it has been more of the not so much, and less of the mostly.
I've been healthy most of my life. I was one of those kids that prided themselves on having a perfect, or damn near perfect, attendance record at school. Not really sure why in hindsight, but at the time it seemed like it was important. Somehow I managed to maintain that throughout most of my life, and really didn't ever have an even somewhat serious illness until early in college, and even that was fairly minor. But since this past summer, it seems I hopped on the roller coaster of autoimmune death at some twisted carnival corpus.
I won't bother with all the nasty details, except to say that it began with a wicked case of shingles (basically adult chicken pocks) that taught me a new lesson in the meaning of pain, and which passed through various stages including plaque dermatitis, infection, inflammation, and hopefully now ending with reactive arthritis--a painful and particularly annoying problem that basically threw off the entire left hemisphere of my body since early December. Needless to say, my autoimmune system has been nearly non-existent, and I've probably spent more time in bed the last month and a half that I have in the last 5 years. Not fun...not that I don't like lounging in bed, but laying in bed and finding every movement painful is not my idea of a good time. And it makes for an even worse vacation.
But one of the upsides of this all is the feeling that I have taken too many things for granted, in this last case my health generally--and mobility specifically, and the value in enjoying them mixed with the danger in taking them for granted. Overall, a powerful reminder to reflect on our own mortality and fragility as a species, but perhaps more importantly, a good chance to think about how to do things differently.
One of my resolutions out of all this is to do more writing, blogging, journaling, etc. and get back into the habit of using my brain and my idea and my...pen?...keyboard...more productively. So with that in mind, look forward to more regular writings here in the months to come.
yeah!
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Our Official Blog : Growing Pains
Posted by horatio on Sunday, December 06, 2009 (07:22:31) (45 reads)
Life has a way of sneaking up on you, or so I feel lately. Blink and it seems like yesterday was a lifetime ago, and things that made sense last week seem oddly unfamiliar tomorrow. The well of ink on my lifedesk is miserably empty, leaving me to try and scrape out slivers of inspiration with a sharp blade. If you're not careful, the knife slips and, before you know it, the blood starts to replace the ink in the storytelling that is life. My journals are all empty or old and full of memories, some of which are best left in perpetual storage. Like the pictures in the shoebox, they tell a thousand and one tales of daring, adventure, love and loss.
2009 was a great year, and an awful year, punctuated in the middle like a carnival balloon animal mid contortion, ephemeral, destined to fly away and leave only a crying child holding the empty strings and happy memories. But the balloon never comes back, even if you write your name on its heart. And like the circus, life picks up and moves on to another place, another time, another world.
And while I've been crowing and hurting, i've also been learning. Right now my head feels like an over-ripe watermelon, verging on internal rupture. But I can't say it is a completely bad thing. I love learning, and this has been a particularly rewarding fall as far as new learning, new ideas and academic growth is concerned. Exciting horizons lay in front of me, if I can only ride off into them before the sun sets. Some days it seems so close, other days more like a mirage, always receding as I reach out to grasp hold of it. But I've always been a scrapper, so I just keep brushing off the dust and pulling my boots on tighter.
Where is all of this leading; I haven't a clue? I wish I did. All I can do is wait and see.
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Dear Diary : clutter
Posted by horatio on Sunday, November 22, 2009 (17:53:24) (56 reads)
Clutter in my mental gutter
the backpressure finally builds up
and comes crashing over the vinyl walls
meant to keep everything in working order
but this diluge is too much for restraint
too many summers and too many falls
of leaves and decayed mental matter
has gathered in mt house of usher
and now the maddness is growing
louder than any crow of Poe
or rattling bars of yellow wallpaper cages
Somewhere a man is praying
and Leviathan is laughing
laughing at the absurdness of the world
the depth of the oceans darkness
and the shimmer of decadent moonlight
refracting like diamonds on its oil slicked surface
I discovered recently that the fuzzy floor
which I had for so long now been rubbing my toes on
was actually an accumulation of dirty socks and hairballs
pretending to be a rug for the sack of discordant playfulness
but i can't really feel too upset about it
as I suspect I would have done the same in their place
although I am sure I would have eaten at least a few
of the books left on the floor like snacks for floor snakes
sliding amongst the dark cracks and folded paper gaps
But now that the shine of the waxed wood floor
has been restored in all of its glory
i see the dark shadows creeping back and forth
across the floor of my moonlight room
and i wonder if they were always there
hiding between the books and dirty socks
plotting a silent coup against academic pretensions
and theoretical investigations into the essence of sense
or the sense of the se or the e of y-e-s like si
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Dear Diary : reflecting on frustrations
Posted by horatio on Wednesday, September 30, 2009 (15:11:11) (81 reads)
It's just been one of those weeks, or at least that's how it feels right now. Talk about ups and downs. I feel like a rag doll in the teeth of some wild little dog trying to rip out all of the stuffing from the ears.
I had a dream about a huge monster bird thing haunting me, walked in the rain, got soaked and thoroughly enjoyed it, got reprimanded by some friends for speaking my mind, am about fed up with campus politics and Tom f-ing Ridge, and if I have to read another pamphlet about destroying time and the university bullshit I am going to puke. I feel like I am trying to be a bridge between impossible contradictions and I'm falling down.
Some days, I wonder why I even care at all. It would be a hell of a lot easier to just forget it all, throw my convictions on the shelf along with all my politics, and just dissolve into Modern Combat III, Cartoon Network, Quiznos subs and washing dishes or selling junk for $6 an hour. But I can't stop caring. I don't have room on my bookshelf for all of my politics, and I got tired of tv a long time ago. But right now I'm tired of people too. Tired of all the assanine bs, the ignorance and the shallowness. The social conservativism of my peers, who actually have nothing to conserve but a rotten status quo that even they don't fully understand and believe in, but since they can't see anything else, all they can do is cling tighter and tighter.
Is this really living, or just the warm up for total and complete alienated death of our being and an authentic life? Right now, I really can't tell...
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